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Advertising Jokes


Short Newspaper Advertising


Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent

For Sale. Three canaries of undetermined sex.

For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Husky.

Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, and quiche.

7 ounces of choice sirloin, steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawney Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: Have your house exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fountain and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A fifth that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never regret it.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes & Gardens.

For Sale - Diamonds $20.00; microscopes $15.00.

For Rent: 6 room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200.00 a month.
References required.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204

Wanted. Preparer of food. Must be dependable like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating

Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00

And these beauties from the radio:

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

Be with us again next Saturday at 10:00 P. M. for "High Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs with the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.


Some Memorable Headlines



JURY GETS DRUNK
DRIVING CASE HERE

MAN IS FATALY SLAIN

NIGHT SCHOOL TO
HEAR PEST TALK

PRISONERS ESCAPE
FROM PRISON FARM
AFTER EXECUTION

SUES BRIDE OF 4 MOUTHS

HOTEL BURNS.
TWO HUNDRED GUESTS ESCAPE HALF GLAD

INFANT MORALITY
SHOWS DROP HERE

SANTA ROSA MAN DENIES
HE COMMITED SUICIDE IN
SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO

ENRAGED COW INJURES
FARMER WITH AX

SENATE PASSES DEATH PENALTY
Measure provides for Electrocution for
all persons over 17.

Thugs eat then
rob proprieter

Scent foul play in death
of man found bound and hanged

Dog in bed, asks divorce

WILD WIFE LEAGUE
WILL MEET TONIGHT

BOY COOKS MUST
EAT OWN VITALS

BACHELORS PREFER BEAUTY
TO BRAINS IN THEIR WIVES

LOCAL MAN HAS
LONGEST HORNS IN ALL TEXAS

OFFICER CONVICTED OF
ACCEPTING BRIDE

40 MEN ESCAPE WATERY GRAVES
WHEN VESSEL FLOUNDERS IN ALE


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